Life

The Strong BLACK woman is DEAD!??!???…hmm. Can’t be..

Posted on January 13, 2011. Filed under: Life, Random, Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

So I found this poem which is getting passed around the web, feel free to read the poem, comment, express yourself. That’s what we’re here for!

The Strong Black Woman is Dead…

On August 15, 1999, at 11:55 p.m.,
while struggling with the reality
of being a human instead of a myth,
the strong black woman passed away.

Medical sources say she died of natural causes,
but those who knew her know she died
from being silent when she should have been screaming,
milling when she should have been raging,
from being sick and not wanting anyone to know
because her pain might inconvenience them.

She died from an overdose
of other people clinging to her
when she didn’t even have energy for herself.
She died from loving men who didn’t love themselves
and could only offer her a crippled reflection.
She died from raising children alone
and for not being able to do a complete job.

She died from the lies her grandmother
told her mother and her mother told her
about life, men & racism.
She died from being sexually abused as a child
and having to take that truth
everywhere she went every day of her life,
exchanging the humiliation for guilt and back again.

She died from being battered
by someone who claimed to love her
and she allowed the battering to go on
to show she loved him too.
She died from asphyxiation,
coughing up blood from secrets
she kept trying to burn away
instead of allowing herself
the kind of nervous breakdown she was entitled to,
but only white girls could afford.

She died from being responsible,
because she was the last rung on the ladder
and there was no one under her she could dump on.
The strong black woman is dead.

She died from the multiple births
of children she never really wanted
but was forced to have
by the strangling morality of those around her.
She died from being a mother at 15
and a grandmother at 30 and an ancestor at 45.

She died from being dragged down
and sat upon by UN-evolved women posing as sisters.
She died from pretending
the life she was living
was a Kodak moment instead of a 20th century,
post-slavery nightmare!

She died from tolerating Mr. Pitiful,
just to have a man and the house.
She died from lack of orgasms
because she never learned
what made her body happy
and no one took the time to teach her
and sometimes, when she found arms
that were tender, she died
because they belonged to the same gender.

She died from sacrificing herself
for everybody and everything
when what she really wanted to do
was be a singer, a dancer, or some magnificent other.

She died from lies of omission
because she didn’t want
to bring the black man down.
She died from race memories
of being snatched and raped
and snatched and sold and snatched
and bred and snatched and
whipped and snatched and worked to death.

She died from tributes
from her counterparts
who should have been matching
her efforts instead of
showering her with
dead words and empty songs.
She died from myths
that would not allow her
to show weakness without
being chastised by the lazy and hazy.

She died from hiding her real feelings
until they became hard
and bitter enough to invade
her womb and breasts like angry tumors.
She died from always lifting something
from heavy boxes to refrigerators.
The strong black woman is dead.

She died from the punishments
received from being honest
about life, racism & men.
She died from being called a bitch
for being verbal,
a dyke for being assertive
and a whore for picking her own lovers.
She died from never being enough
of what men wanted,
or being too much for the men she wanted.

She died from being too black
and died again for not being black enough.
She died from castration
every time somebody thought
of her as only a woman,
or treated her like less than a man.

She died from being misinformed
about her mind, her body
and the extent of her royal capabilities.
She died from knees pressed too close together
because respect was never part
of the foreplay that was being shoved at her.

She died from loneliness in birthing rooms
and aloneness in abortion centers.
She died of shock in courtrooms
where she sat, alone,
watching her children being legally lynched.

She died in bathrooms
with her veins busting open
with self-hatred and neglect.
She died in her mind,
fighting life racism, & men,
while her body was carted away
and stashed in a human warehouse
for the spiritually mutilated.
And sometimes when she refused to die,
when she just refused to give in
she was killed by the lethal images
of blonde hair, blue eyes and flat butts,
rejected by the O.J.’s, the Quincy’s, & the Poitiers.

Sometimes, she was stomped to death
by racism and sexism, executed
by hi-tech ignorance
while she carried the family in her belly,
the community on her head,
and the race on her back!

The strong silent, talking black woman is dead!

Or is she still alive and kicking?
I know I am still here.

Laini Mataka

 

 Response by D.S. White:
The Strong Black Woman is Dead! Or is She?No she’s not dead
she’s just experienced a rebirth. Through the memories
of her daughters and granddaughters
who have learned
from her triumphs and failures
and realized
that strength is knowing
when to ask for help
when to cry out
when to be silent;

She’s realized
that what she’s experienced
does not define or confine her
that pride which prohibits healing
is no longer a banner
but a prison;

She’s realized
that she is a word spoken from God
and as such
cannot
will not
return to Him void.
In essence she’s come full circle
in realizing that
servitude was not the problem
just the master she served;

She’s realized
that being proactive
is much more effective than being reactive
so she chooses her battles wisely
knowing when to fight
and when to let it go
her choice of weapons being
an education
proper financial planning
and community involvement
to enrich the next generation;

She’s realized
that it rains on the just and the unjust
so she’s chosen
not to harbor
a sense of injustice;

She’s realized
that comparisons are self-defeating
so she’s chosen
to celebrate her uniqueness
and strive for her personal best;

She’s realized
that loving
not giving up on the black man
is key
so she’s chosen
to start with her brothers
uncles, cousins, nephews
sons and grandsons
for she knows
the viral power of love;

She’s realized
that submission to her mate
does not equate servitude
so she’s chosen
to embrace the peerless system
of checks and balances
as designed by God;

But most of all
she’s chosen…to forgive
live in the present
and love…always love.
Selfless
committed
love
which takes
uncommon strength.

Copyright © 2005 by D.S. White, All Rights Reserved

 

…feel free to pass this along..

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Why do Abusers Abuse!???!???

Posted on October 30, 2009. Filed under: Abuse, Double Standards, Life, Men, My 2 Cents, Problems, Relationship | Tags: , |

This has always been a topic that I wondered about. I’ve always wondered why men abused women existed and why there were women in the world that stayed in abusive relationships. First and Foremost, let me say that I don’t think it’s right for a woman to hit a man, or vice versa, but this post is geared towards all the male abusers out there and reading this post right now…

Me and My Mr. always have arguments about these sorts of topics. His claim to fame is that “A woman needs to stay in her place and she won’t have to worry about it.” I always say, “What is a woman’s place?? I have never come across ANY  reason why a man can talk sh&t, get in a womans face and a woman can’t do the same. I see no sense in that. I am a firm believer in the notion that everyone’s created equally. I have never prayed on any one simply because they seemed more fragile and more weak than I. That is cruel and doesn’t help me feel better about myself at all. If anything I try to uplift the “weak” so they won’t be taken advantage of by the next person that comes along. Anywho, I never understood why and when men thought it was OK to hit women. Was there a newsflash that I didn’t hear about?? I would think that hitting women would make you feel like less of a man, considering we’re supposed to be the more “fragile” of our species. It seems just a little too easy and the pattern that I have observed in abusers is one where they are always afraid of other confronting men that may cross the abusers path. So is it that they feel weak in the world and feel like letting out all of their anger and frustrations from that out on someone weaker than themselves? It seems that men are supposed to be our protectors but when we need protection from them, what happens then?

I know lots of outsiders (people looking into  an abusive relationship) would say, “why not call the police and why not just leave!?” However, sometimes it just isn’t that easy. Most of the time along with physical abuse comes emotional abuse and a very genuine fear of what will happen if they take these next steps. Especially when your fear for your family and/or your children.

I want men to know this and hear THIS if nothing else, there are many alternatives to hitting your lady. This should never even come across the mind as an option. When me and My Mr. are in the midst of arguing and I feel like it’s going too far, I usually just leave, cool off and maybe talk about it later.

—A few things to relieve stress to let go of Tension.

– Work Out

– Take up Boxing, or another Sport.

– Go Smoookke. (For all you smokers out there).

-Try to look at yourself as if you are out of the moment and in the room, what would your mother say?! What would you say if you were looking at yourself?

-When you feel the tension building, leave. Get in the car and go!

I want to talk a bit about the predatory side of abusing.  There are certain men out there that prey on a specific type of woman. There are men on Earth that enjoy beating on women. These are the types of guys that I never want to get involved with, meet, or even know. There is something really degrading and disheartening about the fact that a man will take his frustrations out on his wife or his woman, “the woman he’s supposed to love.” I do think there are men out there that get enjoyment out of someone else’s fear of them. I believe they crave and love that cycle of abuse, forgiveness, abuse and then again forgiveness. I guess that’s why these reality show brains came up with shows like “Snapped,” where women end up killing their husbands because they have been abused repeatedly until the point they are scared for their life and just can’t take it anymore. These women feel the only way to end their misery is to end their abusers life. That’s another thing, sometimes these women are so scared of their men they feel the only way to defend themselves is to resort to shooting, or killing their “victim” while in sleep mode or otherwise not aware of what’s going on.

I swear, abuse is a powerful thing. I know there are many aspects about this subject that I don’t know. I have done a little reading on the subject but nothing too extensive. I was just thinking about it and wanted to express my opinions on the topic.

Have any of you ever been in an abusive relationship? What came of it?

What if you found out the person you love is an abuser (emotional or physical), would you tell someone? Would you honestly try to leave?

What do you think about the women that end of killing their abusive husbands??

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Do Men really like Aggressive Women??

Posted on September 23, 2009. Filed under: Double Standards, Life, Love, Relationship, Uncategorized, Vixen Tells | Tags: , , , , , , |

…as some of you may know, who read my comments and posts all over the net, that I have been involved with My Mr. for about five years. We have a great loving relationship now, but took a while to get there. We’ve had our share of ups and downs. We’ve had a few more than I would like to admit but we’ve persevered through it all.

When we met each other five years ago, I was this very shy laid-back person. I can say that I am still true to that persona. I’ve never been a talkative person, I observe. I stay to myself and don’t like to talk about my business. I’ve always been this way, but have become much more open around people that I trust…except My Mr. I trust him and I do feel like I can tell him anything,but in certain situations I hold back.

In light of working on our communication he told me that, he “wants me to be more aggressive in the bedroom and he doesn’t want to always have to initiate sex.” I understand, whole-heartedly where he is coming from, but I just don’t know how to do that. There have been many times where i’m at home alone and think, “OK now, when he gets home i’m going to do this and i’m going to do that.” However, when I hear that bass and those keys I freeze up.

Deep down inside, I feel like if I do initiate sex or act like I want it, he will not like me as much anymore. I believe that he will think I just go after guys wanting sex from them. I don’t want to destroy the good girl image* that he has of me.

So, people, it’s obvious that I need help. How can I make myself more comfortable around him?? There are times when i’m laying next to him and want to do it, but I just can’t bring myself to make it happen. He tells me that he wishes I would. He tells me that he would love it, but I can’t actually take myself there. It’s hard to get into that aggressive mode. I’ve never had to before but I want to make our relationship better.

*P.S…, I want to clarify that “good girl image” is not an image, it really is true. In my lifetime I have only had sex with one other guy && I don’t smoke and really don’t drink either, only socially.

Any Suggestions???

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Khloe && Lamar Odom…tying the KNOT! Officially!

Posted on September 22, 2009. Filed under: Life, Love, Men, Relationship, Vixen Tells | Tags: , , , , |

I was on my Twitter today && came across this Tweet from the Kardashian. I don’t really follow celebs love lives too much, but I have heard about these two possibly getting married. I didn’t know whether to believe the rumors because I didn’t think they had been together long enough, but that’s ultimately not my decision to make.

Khloe officially posted that “the rumors are true” and the link you see is the link to her blog, in which she also twitpic’d…

www.khloekardashian.celebuzz.com

 

Image1

 

Article is here… http://khloekardashian.celebuzz.com/2009/09/the-rumors-are-true-1.php if you are interested!

Anyway, i’m happy for them. I hope they are in Love and I have always liked Khloe the best out of the Dash sisters.

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a Tribute to the Living….b/c people should be remembered before Death!!!

Posted on September 22, 2009. Filed under: a Tribute to the Living.., Body, Booty, Career, Job, Life, Model Type., Random | Tags: , , , , |

I want to start another posting thread on dedications and remembrance. I have always thought that people get the most recognition when they die, so I’m going to try to change that.

I will be posting a few pictures of people that I am a fan of, WHILE THEY ARE STILL ALIVE!! They may not all be popular right now, but I know if they died lots of people would miss them. So here’s my tribute..to the living!

First Post: J-Lo.

–I loved this chick in Selena. She has a fabulous body, had twins and she still looks great. I believe most of these are old pics however, so enjoy!

I just think this chick is so gorgeous!! Best of Luck to you J-Lo in all that you do!!

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How to be a Better Black Woman! Part 1: Why do we SETTLE for less?

Posted on September 20, 2009. Filed under: Double Standards, Life, Love, Men, Random, Relationship, Uncategorized, Vixen Tells, Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

First, I would like to start off by saying that I know there are many black women out there in America that do not and refuse to settle for any random man that comes along. I know there are many woman out there very adamant about finding the well-educated, mature, motivated, job-having and God-fearing man that most of us dream about. However, most of us are not commonly finding that man. Most of us are waiting on “Mr. Right” to come along but often settle for the dude across the street that we claim we’re only talking to because “he’s there.” Most of us fail in the finding men department, but the question is not the failing part, the question is WHY!?!?

Why do we deprive ourselves from living the life we dream about? Why do we stray away from the white picket-fenced American Dream? Do we as black people just not value quality? Do we feel, as black woman, that maybe we don’t deserve that knight in shining armour?

Most woman dream about a huge wedding and the “Happily Ever After” ending, but is it just that?? Is it just a dream, or could it be real if we make it real? Did all the good Black men just leave and didn’t let us know? I don’t know what is happening in the relationship department between black women and men but I’ve managed to compile a starting list of things that I believe contribute to black women settling for the first man that comes along.

First, many black women are hard-wired to believe that “all black men are dogs.”

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Whether we agree with the statement or not, whether we want to believe it or not most black women have heard this statement since childhood. It’s almost become a way of life, or an accepted truth I should say. A black woman learns this about men just as she learns how to use the potty or how to eat with a spoon. No one knows where this point originally came from but it’s something you learn to deal with. People learn to judge, based on their upbringings, whether they realize it or not.

Maybe some of us had a father that left. Maybe our mothers or grandmothers went through Hell with a black man. Maybe it’s the media. Maybe it’s Maury with his paternity tests. Maybe it’s the black men that deny their babies. Personally, I think it’s more of a defense mechanism. When we go into relationships knowing that all black men are dogs we won’t give our all in a relationship. We won’t let that dog pee all over our carpets, we won’t let him walk all over the house like he owns it. We won’t let that man come in and out when he feels like it, because he’s a dog. When a dog feels like they want to leave, they do just that…they run away. However, we love that dog so much && we don’t want him to leave. We try to trap that dog & watch that dog at all times. What we need to realize is that one can’t be mad at the dog, in all fairness for running away, that’s just what dogs do. They don’t know any better. Whatever the reason, it starts from a very young age, so that idea already warps your mind of what a relationship with a black man could and should be.

Secondly, some black women get SOOOO caught up in NOT “having a man” that they are ready and waiting to make that next man (the man that was probably only supposed to be in their life for ONE season) they try to keep him around for a lifetime. Some men are put into your life for a short amount of time. They are put there to teach you a lesson or to show you things in your life that can be possible. Sometimes they are even there to show you the things you don’t want to have to deal with for the rest of your life but some women miss those messages, ENTIRELY. I know everyone has seen “Martin,” so you can tell me, besides “stank breathe,” what was Pam’s biggest flaw?? The fact that she didn’t have a man and COULDN’T get one on top of that. Now, I know that’s TV, of course, but it hits on an important misconception.

A black woman has to have a man to be Happy!

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Next, black women have a weakness for a cute face and some player talk. One of the biggest reasons why black women settle for less than ideal men is because, these men, simply…talk a good game. Once a man has a woman believing she’s “in love with him,” once he has that woman believing she’s the “only one” for him he’s pretty much reeled that woman in for life. There are men out there, however, who say what it takes. Their main goal is to get that woman to feel like she is in love so he can then do things that he wants, while stringing her along. Their goal is to play and deceive these women. Most women are very emotional creatures so they become naive to seeing these types of tricks and games being played. They are blinded by the “love” they think they feel. Many black women are loving on a married or otherwise committed man thinking that man is going to leave his wife, his life, his kids and everything as he knows it, for a side chick…sometimes YES, these men do, but more often than not….it’s just not gonna happen ladies!!!

Lastly, too many of us women, especially the very young or the older generations are much too insecure. We believe that if we let the one we have go, regardless of their wrong doings, we will never find that feeling again. We won’t find anyone better than the one we are with, even though that is mostly an untrue statement that’s how it goes.

Often times we can’t find anyone better because we are giving all of our time and effort to a person that isn’t appreciating it. We’re trying to get that man to see how much we love him && we’re not getting anything in return for it. From that way of thinking, however, we SETTLE, we take what we can get so that we don’t have to be alone. We won’t have to deal with the pain of a break-up and we also won’t have to start over anew.

PS….i’m not an expert i’m just sharing my personal experiences and convictions on the situation. Feel free to agree or disagree and let me know how you feel about black women && their thoughts on black men.

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Kanye’s Apology on Jay Leno.

Posted on September 15, 2009. Filed under: Career, Life, Problems, Random, Vixen Tells | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

Ya’ll go easy on him, he’s going through a hard time. You can tell he’s still emotional about his mom’s death and that’s something he may never get over…

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10 Reasons why if you WERE going to get the NANA, Why you’re NOT NOW!!

Posted on September 12, 2009. Filed under: Double Standards, Life, Love, Men, Random, Style, Uncategorized, Vixen Tells | Tags: , , , |

Number 10….

Hey, first and foremost I would like to make it clear that sometimes a chick DOES just want  to play with your mind. If you let her, a women will make you think you’re gonna get it so she can get something out of the deal (I.E. a drink at the club, or a free meal. LOL.) when in all actuality, there was never a chance of you getting close to her bedroom.  I’m not saying it’s right, but that’s life.

Number 9.

You’re probably not gonna get it if you seem really pressed and desperate to get it. We’re gonna wonder why you haven’t been getting any. We’re gonna think something is wrong with you, or you’re either mentally disturbed (depending on the aggressiveness).

Number 8.

You’re probably not gonna get it if you seemed cool from a safe distance but once I got close to you all I smell is Fun-yuns (or what seems to be Fun-yuns)…in other words, If you’re in dire need of a mint, lifesaver, tic-tac or a bath…you’re probably not gonna get it.

Number 7.

You’re probably not gonna get it if we had a great night but you had to go and ruin it by getting hella drunk and annoying!!

Number 6.

You’re probably not gonna get it if you’re much more into your friends than the women you’re with. (Example: We’re on a date and you answer ALL of their calls and barely talk to the woman you’re with.) **This doesn’t apply if you’re actually not interested in the woman.

Number 5.

You’re probably not gonna get it if you were just too touchy feely and you don’t even know the woman THAT WELL. NO PDA’s if we’re not a couple dude!

Number 4.

You’re probably not gonna get it if your phone is ringing non-stop… You and I both know it’s your main thang calling, especially when you decide to turn your phone off or step outside for a minute to “handle some business.”

Number 3.

You’re probably not gonna get it if you’re trying to fill my head with pipe dreams like “Girl, you know I wanna be with you.” & “You’re not like all these other chicks.” We know it’s a lie, don’t try to decieve me into thinking i’m “something special to you” and we barely know each other.

Number 2.

You’re probably not gonna get it if you caught my eye, but when I surveyed you from head to toe, this is what I find…

Clean Shaven Face && Head!?!?? CHECK!

Cute Face?? CHECK.

Nice shirt???? CHECK.

Nice, ironed pants/Jeans??? CHECK??.

Nice Shoes!??!??…FAIL..

If your whole get up is on point (even if it’s not) your shoes cannot be leaning or dingy or any of the above! You will gets NOOO play!

&& the number one reason why you just played yourself out of an overnight stay….

You done said something stupid.

…if you have any to add, feel free…

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…let’s talk about SeX baby!!

Posted on September 11, 2009. Filed under: Double Standards, Life, Men, Random, Vixen Tells, Women | Tags: , , , , |

 

I saw this video on JessChika’s Blog @ Blogspot and loved the Video. I really do think that America is really too high strung on many many topics, but I will blog about all of that at a later date. Some of these facts are outrageous and may get you a little upset…but this video is mainly to inform you of what’s going on in the world of SEX!

SEX– the topic everyone loves to read and hear about but they just don’t wanna admit it!

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