Do Men really like Aggressive Women??

Posted on September 23, 2009. Filed under: Double Standards, Life, Love, Relationship, Uncategorized, Vixen Tells | Tags: , , , , , , |

…as some of you may know, who read my comments and posts all over the net, that I have been involved with My Mr. for about five years. We have a great loving relationship now, but took a while to get there. We’ve had our share of ups and downs. We’ve had a few more than I would like to admit but we’ve persevered through it all.

When we met each other five years ago, I was this very shy laid-back person. I can say that I am still true to that persona. I’ve never been a talkative person, I observe. I stay to myself and don’t like to talk about my business. I’ve always been this way, but have become much more open around people that I trust…except My Mr. I trust him and I do feel like I can tell him anything,but in certain situations I hold back.

In light of working on our communication he told me that, he “wants me to be more aggressive in the bedroom and he doesn’t want to always have to initiate sex.” I understand, whole-heartedly where he is coming from, but I just don’t know how to do that. There have been many times where i’m at home alone and think, “OK now, when he gets home i’m going to do this and i’m going to do that.” However, when I hear that bass and those keys I freeze up.

Deep down inside, I feel like if I do initiate sex or act like I want it, he will not like me as much anymore. I believe that he will think I just go after guys wanting sex from them. I don’t want to destroy the good girl image* that he has of me.

So, people, it’s obvious that I need help. How can I make myself more comfortable around him?? There are times when i’m laying next to him and want to do it, but I just can’t bring myself to make it happen. He tells me that he wishes I would. He tells me that he would love it, but I can’t actually take myself there. It’s hard to get into that aggressive mode. I’ve never had to before but I want to make our relationship better.

*P.S…, I want to clarify that “good girl image” is not an image, it really is true. In my lifetime I have only had sex with one other guy && I don’t smoke and really don’t drink either, only socially.

Any Suggestions???

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Khloe && Lamar Odom…tying the KNOT! Officially!

Posted on September 22, 2009. Filed under: Life, Love, Men, Relationship, Vixen Tells | Tags: , , , , |

I was on my Twitter today && came across this Tweet from the Kardashian. I don’t really follow celebs love lives too much, but I have heard about these two possibly getting married. I didn’t know whether to believe the rumors because I didn’t think they had been together long enough, but that’s ultimately not my decision to make.

Khloe officially posted that “the rumors are true” and the link you see is the link to her blog, in which she also twitpic’d…




Article is here… if you are interested!

Anyway, i’m happy for them. I hope they are in Love and I have always liked Khloe the best out of the Dash sisters.

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How to be a Better Black Woman! Part 1: Why do we SETTLE for less?

Posted on September 20, 2009. Filed under: Double Standards, Life, Love, Men, Random, Relationship, Uncategorized, Vixen Tells, Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

First, I would like to start off by saying that I know there are many black women out there in America that do not and refuse to settle for any random man that comes along. I know there are many woman out there very adamant about finding the well-educated, mature, motivated, job-having and God-fearing man that most of us dream about. However, most of us are not commonly finding that man. Most of us are waiting on “Mr. Right” to come along but often settle for the dude across the street that we claim we’re only talking to because “he’s there.” Most of us fail in the finding men department, but the question is not the failing part, the question is WHY!?!?

Why do we deprive ourselves from living the life we dream about? Why do we stray away from the white picket-fenced American Dream? Do we as black people just not value quality? Do we feel, as black woman, that maybe we don’t deserve that knight in shining armour?

Most woman dream about a huge wedding and the “Happily Ever After” ending, but is it just that?? Is it just a dream, or could it be real if we make it real? Did all the good Black men just leave and didn’t let us know? I don’t know what is happening in the relationship department between black women and men but I’ve managed to compile a starting list of things that I believe contribute to black women settling for the first man that comes along.

First, many black women are hard-wired to believe that “all black men are dogs.”


Whether we agree with the statement or not, whether we want to believe it or not most black women have heard this statement since childhood. It’s almost become a way of life, or an accepted truth I should say. A black woman learns this about men just as she learns how to use the potty or how to eat with a spoon. No one knows where this point originally came from but it’s something you learn to deal with. People learn to judge, based on their upbringings, whether they realize it or not.

Maybe some of us had a father that left. Maybe our mothers or grandmothers went through Hell with a black man. Maybe it’s the media. Maybe it’s Maury with his paternity tests. Maybe it’s the black men that deny their babies. Personally, I think it’s more of a defense mechanism. When we go into relationships knowing that all black men are dogs we won’t give our all in a relationship. We won’t let that dog pee all over our carpets, we won’t let him walk all over the house like he owns it. We won’t let that man come in and out when he feels like it, because he’s a dog. When a dog feels like they want to leave, they do just that…they run away. However, we love that dog so much && we don’t want him to leave. We try to trap that dog & watch that dog at all times. What we need to realize is that one can’t be mad at the dog, in all fairness for running away, that’s just what dogs do. They don’t know any better. Whatever the reason, it starts from a very young age, so that idea already warps your mind of what a relationship with a black man could and should be.

Secondly, some black women get SOOOO caught up in NOT “having a man” that they are ready and waiting to make that next man (the man that was probably only supposed to be in their life for ONE season) they try to keep him around for a lifetime. Some men are put into your life for a short amount of time. They are put there to teach you a lesson or to show you things in your life that can be possible. Sometimes they are even there to show you the things you don’t want to have to deal with for the rest of your life but some women miss those messages, ENTIRELY. I know everyone has seen “Martin,” so you can tell me, besides “stank breathe,” what was Pam’s biggest flaw?? The fact that she didn’t have a man and COULDN’T get one on top of that. Now, I know that’s TV, of course, but it hits on an important misconception.

A black woman has to have a man to be Happy!


Next, black women have a weakness for a cute face and some player talk. One of the biggest reasons why black women settle for less than ideal men is because, these men, simply…talk a good game. Once a man has a woman believing she’s “in love with him,” once he has that woman believing she’s the “only one” for him he’s pretty much reeled that woman in for life. There are men out there, however, who say what it takes. Their main goal is to get that woman to feel like she is in love so he can then do things that he wants, while stringing her along. Their goal is to play and deceive these women. Most women are very emotional creatures so they become naive to seeing these types of tricks and games being played. They are blinded by the “love” they think they feel. Many black women are loving on a married or otherwise committed man thinking that man is going to leave his wife, his life, his kids and everything as he knows it, for a side chick…sometimes YES, these men do, but more often than not….it’s just not gonna happen ladies!!!

Lastly, too many of us women, especially the very young or the older generations are much too insecure. We believe that if we let the one we have go, regardless of their wrong doings, we will never find that feeling again. We won’t find anyone better than the one we are with, even though that is mostly an untrue statement that’s how it goes.

Often times we can’t find anyone better because we are giving all of our time and effort to a person that isn’t appreciating it. We’re trying to get that man to see how much we love him && we’re not getting anything in return for it. From that way of thinking, however, we SETTLE, we take what we can get so that we don’t have to be alone. We won’t have to deal with the pain of a break-up and we also won’t have to start over anew.

PS….i’m not an expert i’m just sharing my personal experiences and convictions on the situation. Feel free to agree or disagree and let me know how you feel about black women && their thoughts on black men.

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10 Reasons why if you WERE going to get the NANA, Why you’re NOT NOW!!

Posted on September 12, 2009. Filed under: Double Standards, Life, Love, Men, Random, Style, Uncategorized, Vixen Tells | Tags: , , , |

Number 10….

Hey, first and foremost I would like to make it clear that sometimes a chick DOES just want  to play with your mind. If you let her, a women will make you think you’re gonna get it so she can get something out of the deal (I.E. a drink at the club, or a free meal. LOL.) when in all actuality, there was never a chance of you getting close to her bedroom.  I’m not saying it’s right, but that’s life.

Number 9.

You’re probably not gonna get it if you seem really pressed and desperate to get it. We’re gonna wonder why you haven’t been getting any. We’re gonna think something is wrong with you, or you’re either mentally disturbed (depending on the aggressiveness).

Number 8.

You’re probably not gonna get it if you seemed cool from a safe distance but once I got close to you all I smell is Fun-yuns (or what seems to be Fun-yuns)…in other words, If you’re in dire need of a mint, lifesaver, tic-tac or a bath…you’re probably not gonna get it.

Number 7.

You’re probably not gonna get it if we had a great night but you had to go and ruin it by getting hella drunk and annoying!!

Number 6.

You’re probably not gonna get it if you’re much more into your friends than the women you’re with. (Example: We’re on a date and you answer ALL of their calls and barely talk to the woman you’re with.) **This doesn’t apply if you’re actually not interested in the woman.

Number 5.

You’re probably not gonna get it if you were just too touchy feely and you don’t even know the woman THAT WELL. NO PDA’s if we’re not a couple dude!

Number 4.

You’re probably not gonna get it if your phone is ringing non-stop… You and I both know it’s your main thang calling, especially when you decide to turn your phone off or step outside for a minute to “handle some business.”

Number 3.

You’re probably not gonna get it if you’re trying to fill my head with pipe dreams like “Girl, you know I wanna be with you.” & “You’re not like all these other chicks.” We know it’s a lie, don’t try to decieve me into thinking i’m “something special to you” and we barely know each other.

Number 2.

You’re probably not gonna get it if you caught my eye, but when I surveyed you from head to toe, this is what I find…

Clean Shaven Face && Head!?!?? CHECK!

Cute Face?? CHECK.

Nice shirt???? CHECK.

Nice, ironed pants/Jeans??? CHECK??.

Nice Shoes!??!??…FAIL..

If your whole get up is on point (even if it’s not) your shoes cannot be leaning or dingy or any of the above! You will gets NOOO play!

&& the number one reason why you just played yourself out of an overnight stay….

You done said something stupid.

…if you have any to add, feel free…

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the Musical Styling of……Mya.

Posted on September 8, 2009. Filed under: Abuse, Life, Love, Men, Random | Tags: , , , , , , |


Sometimes when I have nothing better to do, I sit and listen to Mixtape Music && download what I like. I have always been a Mya fan, even though I haven’t heard anything from her in a while. I don’t exactly know how the Mixtape world works but I just happened to find this one. I really fell in love with the song.

Mya is singing about how she is with this guy that came from an abusive home and how she’s feels for him, but at the same time she’s telling him she’s not going to live that life. She’s telling him how she will “Blackout” if he ever puts his hands on her again..

Love the Song && it’s so appropriate for the times right now. (People are calling this “Rihanna’s Demo”)

—Just click the Pop-Out Player Link && the music will open in a second window. ENJOY!

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Usually I don’t do this but…..

Posted on September 5, 2009. Filed under: A Day Off Work, Body, Life, Love, Random, Relationship | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

i’ma do it Today…

This is what was happening in my world yesterday. As my Twitterlings** know me and my Mr. had to go to court early morning yesterday. So, since he works graveyard and gets off around 10:30 AM he was unable to go to work, so after court we just chilled the whole day.

We went to go see Inglourious Basterds, the movie with Brad Pitt && directed by Quentin Tarantino…

GREAT MOVIE BY THE WAY. Brad really did his thing, he hasn’t missed a beat. I recommend anyone to go see this. However, if you have a weak stomach (like me) there are probably going to be a lot of parts you can’t watch but other than that it was great! in the middle of the movie me and my Mr. start talking about one of his fantasies. Ask me HOW we got on this Topic?!? I will never know, but nonetheless we were into it. So he tells me he’s always had a fantasy about F’ing a white girl from the 50’s with a polka dot skirt on and those little jackets they used to wear back then.


I’m like OK! Where does a fantasy like that come from?, but I know some of mine are kinda weird so…I thought it was funny. He was jokingly like “Can you get me one for my BDay??” Then he proceeded to tell me all the reasons why I would not, and I just said, “You’d be surprised.”

I guess what made him think about his surprise fantasy yesterday, was the fact that I did have on a plaid skirt with some cute little pink lace panties underneath. While watching the movie (like they always do) his hands start to slide up my skirt, trying desperately to reach the center….ACCESS DENIED!

“Watch the Movie Please!!!,” I tell him. He turns to the screen for a couple of seconds and tries again…still. No Progess. Lol. So by this time we both have the thought of the fantasy in our heads. He’s still sliding up in there and I give him a little leeway and then close up on him. The longer you wait, the sweeter it will be, that’s one of my mottos. So now..

..we get home, put on “Super Fly,” some pimp Movie. I don’t know. His sneaky self puts some R. Kelly on. My Mr. is so funny though, he starts doing a little strip tease and I couldn’t help it, but I start laughing. This boy KNOWS that he can’t dance but he was being so sweet trying to be sexy for his lady. Lol, so anyways, he crawls over to me. He starts kissing me on my neck, on my lips, and then back to my neck.

Meanwhile, just so you know, i’m still wearing my whole get-up. Skirt, shirt, belt, everything. Ya know, i’m trying to make one of his fantasies come true. So, we’re kissing, his hands are wandering, finally getting that access they have so desired. I can tell we are both really getting into it by this point. My Mr. really knows what to do in these types of situations, considering he’s had much more experience than I have.

So, for the reason that I don’t wanna be too graphic we start going at it. As soon as we get into it though, it’s a little different. It’s a little better, I don’t know if it’s the fantasy aspect or what, but something is different.

So anyway, he’s pulling my legs up by this time….kinda like this..


…with my legs a little more elevated. I recommend every women, if you haven’t, TRY THISS! I am not joking. I don’t know if this hits that “G-spot” or what, but this is definitely the business. So now, we wanna try something different. I get up, first, because I feel something drippin. I look down and see a big wet spot on the bed. He’s like “dang, I must have hit that spot.” I just hesitantly laughed that off but I get up, get a towel and the sh*t is dripping down my legs and I mean dripping. I have, WE have never experienced that before. I was even a little shocked and happy about that one.

So, we get the towel, he turns me around in the doggy position and we start getting down again. I’m getting low, we’re in like a rhythmic motion right now and it’s very intense. His hands are on my shoulders while he’s still giving me the business. I’m biting on his fingers to keep from ripping my own skin and he’s loving it.

So, he turns me over once again. Still in the heat of the moment, still in the middle of the fantasy. We start going at it again, he’s giving me deep, long, great strokes and I can hardly control myself, but I do. This experience is unlike any other we have ever had. Definitely have to be doing that again but, anyway, after about 10 more minutes of this we finish the session, I get up and all he says is “Dang, those fantasies are really something.” I just started laughing, because I knew it was true.

So, the moral of the story is…if you have a fantasy or fantasies get them basterds fulfilled!!!!!

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Chris Brown Interview… Chris, you might as well have Stayed HOME!

Posted on September 3, 2009. Filed under: Career, Double Standards, Job, Life, Love, Men, My 2 Cents, Problems, Relationship, Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

…this little “spoof” may be a little excessive but it hits on some good points. Chris is trying to gain back his popularity but he will NEVER do so if he doesn’t take responsibility for what he did. This guy is in COMPLETE DENIAL. I have never been the one to tell someone to apologize if they don’t mean it, but in America, right now, he is not being well received. No one is buying his albums. He’s not touring. No one is feeling the Chris Brown that everyone, just a few years ago, couldn’t get enough of. I think people just want Chris to say, “OK. I made a mistake and I was totally wrong for putting my hands on a woman, especially a woman that I love.”

He’s doing everything in his power to NOT do that and it’s really backfiring. Rihanna has moved on with her life and he’s stuck in this vicious loop that he’s NOT going to get out of unless he explains to America what was going through his head. Everyone saw the pictures of what he did and for him to say he doesn’t remember?? It’s unacceptable.

…and furthermore, what I thought was the craziest part of the interview was when they aired his prior apology. When they aired it, Chris started “laughing,” he really just had a little smirk on his face.

I really couldn’t believe that! I know he was trying to hold in it but it was evident that he found it humurous!

Even though everyone knows that apology was fake, he really just proved it and i’m surprised that that portion of the interview hasn’t turned into a huge deal. After that I really didn’t even want to watch the Interview anymore, but of course I did && TIVO’d it. Lol.

**So…Everybody let me know what you think about this situation?

Does he need to own up to what he did or should everyone just forget about this?

Are there more important things going on? Do you think his career will be the same?

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Happy Birthday MJ!!! You are still missed, that will NEVER go away!!!

Posted on August 29, 2009. Filed under: Job, Life, Love, Men, Model Type. | Tags: , , , , , , |


…had to post this MJ once said this was his Fav. Song.

I hope everyone realizes what a great person && musician that we have lost!

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Happy Birthday MJ!!! You are still missed, that will NEVER go away!!!

Posted on August 29, 2009. Filed under: Life, Love, Men, Model Type. | Tags: , , , , |

Just a few pics…





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