Men

Why do Abusers Abuse!???!???

Posted on October 30, 2009. Filed under: Abuse, Double Standards, Life, Men, My 2 Cents, Problems, Relationship | Tags: , |

This has always been a topic that I wondered about. I’ve always wondered why men abused women existed and why there were women in the world that stayed in abusive relationships. First and Foremost, let me say that I don’t think it’s right for a woman to hit a man, or vice versa, but this post is geared towards all the male abusers out there and reading this post right now…

Me and My Mr. always have arguments about these sorts of topics. His claim to fame is that “A woman needs to stay in her place and she won’t have to worry about it.” I always say, “What is a woman’s place?? I have never come across ANY  reason why a man can talk sh&t, get in a womans face and a woman can’t do the same. I see no sense in that. I am a firm believer in the notion that everyone’s created equally. I have never prayed on any one simply because they seemed more fragile and more weak than I. That is cruel and doesn’t help me feel better about myself at all. If anything I try to uplift the “weak” so they won’t be taken advantage of by the next person that comes along. Anywho, I never understood why and when men thought it was OK to hit women. Was there a newsflash that I didn’t hear about?? I would think that hitting women would make you feel like less of a man, considering we’re supposed to be the more “fragile” of our species. It seems just a little too easy and the pattern that I have observed in abusers is one where they are always afraid of other confronting men that may cross the abusers path. So is it that they feel weak in the world and feel like letting out all of their anger and frustrations from that out on someone weaker than themselves? It seems that men are supposed to be our protectors but when we need protection from them, what happens then?

I know lots of outsiders (people looking into  an abusive relationship) would say, “why not call the police and why not just leave!?” However, sometimes it just isn’t that easy. Most of the time along with physical abuse comes emotional abuse and a very genuine fear of what will happen if they take these next steps. Especially when your fear for your family and/or your children.

I want men to know this and hear THIS if nothing else, there are many alternatives to hitting your lady. This should never even come across the mind as an option. When me and My Mr. are in the midst of arguing and I feel like it’s going too far, I usually just leave, cool off and maybe talk about it later.

—A few things to relieve stress to let go of Tension.

– Work Out

– Take up Boxing, or another Sport.

– Go Smoookke. (For all you smokers out there).

-Try to look at yourself as if you are out of the moment and in the room, what would your mother say?! What would you say if you were looking at yourself?

-When you feel the tension building, leave. Get in the car and go!

I want to talk a bit about the predatory side of abusing.  There are certain men out there that prey on a specific type of woman. There are men on Earth that enjoy beating on women. These are the types of guys that I never want to get involved with, meet, or even know. There is something really degrading and disheartening about the fact that a man will take his frustrations out on his wife or his woman, “the woman he’s supposed to love.” I do think there are men out there that get enjoyment out of someone else’s fear of them. I believe they crave and love that cycle of abuse, forgiveness, abuse and then again forgiveness. I guess that’s why these reality show brains came up with shows like “Snapped,” where women end up killing their husbands because they have been abused repeatedly until the point they are scared for their life and just can’t take it anymore. These women feel the only way to end their misery is to end their abusers life. That’s another thing, sometimes these women are so scared of their men they feel the only way to defend themselves is to resort to shooting, or killing their “victim” while in sleep mode or otherwise not aware of what’s going on.

I swear, abuse is a powerful thing. I know there are many aspects about this subject that I don’t know. I have done a little reading on the subject but nothing too extensive. I was just thinking about it and wanted to express my opinions on the topic.

Have any of you ever been in an abusive relationship? What came of it?

What if you found out the person you love is an abuser (emotional or physical), would you tell someone? Would you honestly try to leave?

What do you think about the women that end of killing their abusive husbands??

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Khloe && Lamar Odom…tying the KNOT! Officially!

Posted on September 22, 2009. Filed under: Life, Love, Men, Relationship, Vixen Tells | Tags: , , , , |

I was on my Twitter today && came across this Tweet from the Kardashian. I don’t really follow celebs love lives too much, but I have heard about these two possibly getting married. I didn’t know whether to believe the rumors because I didn’t think they had been together long enough, but that’s ultimately not my decision to make.

Khloe officially posted that “the rumors are true” and the link you see is the link to her blog, in which she also twitpic’d…

www.khloekardashian.celebuzz.com

 

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Article is here… http://khloekardashian.celebuzz.com/2009/09/the-rumors-are-true-1.php if you are interested!

Anyway, i’m happy for them. I hope they are in Love and I have always liked Khloe the best out of the Dash sisters.

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How to be a Better Black Woman! Part 1: Why do we SETTLE for less?

Posted on September 20, 2009. Filed under: Double Standards, Life, Love, Men, Random, Relationship, Uncategorized, Vixen Tells, Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

First, I would like to start off by saying that I know there are many black women out there in America that do not and refuse to settle for any random man that comes along. I know there are many woman out there very adamant about finding the well-educated, mature, motivated, job-having and God-fearing man that most of us dream about. However, most of us are not commonly finding that man. Most of us are waiting on “Mr. Right” to come along but often settle for the dude across the street that we claim we’re only talking to because “he’s there.” Most of us fail in the finding men department, but the question is not the failing part, the question is WHY!?!?

Why do we deprive ourselves from living the life we dream about? Why do we stray away from the white picket-fenced American Dream? Do we as black people just not value quality? Do we feel, as black woman, that maybe we don’t deserve that knight in shining armour?

Most woman dream about a huge wedding and the “Happily Ever After” ending, but is it just that?? Is it just a dream, or could it be real if we make it real? Did all the good Black men just leave and didn’t let us know? I don’t know what is happening in the relationship department between black women and men but I’ve managed to compile a starting list of things that I believe contribute to black women settling for the first man that comes along.

First, many black women are hard-wired to believe that “all black men are dogs.”

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Whether we agree with the statement or not, whether we want to believe it or not most black women have heard this statement since childhood. It’s almost become a way of life, or an accepted truth I should say. A black woman learns this about men just as she learns how to use the potty or how to eat with a spoon. No one knows where this point originally came from but it’s something you learn to deal with. People learn to judge, based on their upbringings, whether they realize it or not.

Maybe some of us had a father that left. Maybe our mothers or grandmothers went through Hell with a black man. Maybe it’s the media. Maybe it’s Maury with his paternity tests. Maybe it’s the black men that deny their babies. Personally, I think it’s more of a defense mechanism. When we go into relationships knowing that all black men are dogs we won’t give our all in a relationship. We won’t let that dog pee all over our carpets, we won’t let him walk all over the house like he owns it. We won’t let that man come in and out when he feels like it, because he’s a dog. When a dog feels like they want to leave, they do just that…they run away. However, we love that dog so much && we don’t want him to leave. We try to trap that dog & watch that dog at all times. What we need to realize is that one can’t be mad at the dog, in all fairness for running away, that’s just what dogs do. They don’t know any better. Whatever the reason, it starts from a very young age, so that idea already warps your mind of what a relationship with a black man could and should be.

Secondly, some black women get SOOOO caught up in NOT “having a man” that they are ready and waiting to make that next man (the man that was probably only supposed to be in their life for ONE season) they try to keep him around for a lifetime. Some men are put into your life for a short amount of time. They are put there to teach you a lesson or to show you things in your life that can be possible. Sometimes they are even there to show you the things you don’t want to have to deal with for the rest of your life but some women miss those messages, ENTIRELY. I know everyone has seen “Martin,” so you can tell me, besides “stank breathe,” what was Pam’s biggest flaw?? The fact that she didn’t have a man and COULDN’T get one on top of that. Now, I know that’s TV, of course, but it hits on an important misconception.

A black woman has to have a man to be Happy!

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Next, black women have a weakness for a cute face and some player talk. One of the biggest reasons why black women settle for less than ideal men is because, these men, simply…talk a good game. Once a man has a woman believing she’s “in love with him,” once he has that woman believing she’s the “only one” for him he’s pretty much reeled that woman in for life. There are men out there, however, who say what it takes. Their main goal is to get that woman to feel like she is in love so he can then do things that he wants, while stringing her along. Their goal is to play and deceive these women. Most women are very emotional creatures so they become naive to seeing these types of tricks and games being played. They are blinded by the “love” they think they feel. Many black women are loving on a married or otherwise committed man thinking that man is going to leave his wife, his life, his kids and everything as he knows it, for a side chick…sometimes YES, these men do, but more often than not….it’s just not gonna happen ladies!!!

Lastly, too many of us women, especially the very young or the older generations are much too insecure. We believe that if we let the one we have go, regardless of their wrong doings, we will never find that feeling again. We won’t find anyone better than the one we are with, even though that is mostly an untrue statement that’s how it goes.

Often times we can’t find anyone better because we are giving all of our time and effort to a person that isn’t appreciating it. We’re trying to get that man to see how much we love him && we’re not getting anything in return for it. From that way of thinking, however, we SETTLE, we take what we can get so that we don’t have to be alone. We won’t have to deal with the pain of a break-up and we also won’t have to start over anew.

PS….i’m not an expert i’m just sharing my personal experiences and convictions on the situation. Feel free to agree or disagree and let me know how you feel about black women && their thoughts on black men.

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President Obama on Kanye West

Posted on September 17, 2009. Filed under: Career, Job, Men, Random, Stereotypes | Tags: , , , , , , , , |

I think this is so messed up what they did to Obama. He clearly thought they were on a break, however the cameras were still rolling. I don’t know how most people think about what he said, whether he was out of line or not but Obama is still a human being. He has feeling and convictions just the same as we do. I love him for saying what he feels! You can tell however, he knew that he shouldn’t have said it due to all the backlash he may receive…

So do you guys think he was out of line? Should he have even spoken on the subject? Does it make it OK that he didn’t think it was going to be aired?

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10 Reasons why if you WERE going to get the NANA, Why you’re NOT NOW!!

Posted on September 12, 2009. Filed under: Double Standards, Life, Love, Men, Random, Style, Uncategorized, Vixen Tells | Tags: , , , |

Number 10….

Hey, first and foremost I would like to make it clear that sometimes a chick DOES just want  to play with your mind. If you let her, a women will make you think you’re gonna get it so she can get something out of the deal (I.E. a drink at the club, or a free meal. LOL.) when in all actuality, there was never a chance of you getting close to her bedroom.  I’m not saying it’s right, but that’s life.

Number 9.

You’re probably not gonna get it if you seem really pressed and desperate to get it. We’re gonna wonder why you haven’t been getting any. We’re gonna think something is wrong with you, or you’re either mentally disturbed (depending on the aggressiveness).

Number 8.

You’re probably not gonna get it if you seemed cool from a safe distance but once I got close to you all I smell is Fun-yuns (or what seems to be Fun-yuns)…in other words, If you’re in dire need of a mint, lifesaver, tic-tac or a bath…you’re probably not gonna get it.

Number 7.

You’re probably not gonna get it if we had a great night but you had to go and ruin it by getting hella drunk and annoying!!

Number 6.

You’re probably not gonna get it if you’re much more into your friends than the women you’re with. (Example: We’re on a date and you answer ALL of their calls and barely talk to the woman you’re with.) **This doesn’t apply if you’re actually not interested in the woman.

Number 5.

You’re probably not gonna get it if you were just too touchy feely and you don’t even know the woman THAT WELL. NO PDA’s if we’re not a couple dude!

Number 4.

You’re probably not gonna get it if your phone is ringing non-stop… You and I both know it’s your main thang calling, especially when you decide to turn your phone off or step outside for a minute to “handle some business.”

Number 3.

You’re probably not gonna get it if you’re trying to fill my head with pipe dreams like “Girl, you know I wanna be with you.” & “You’re not like all these other chicks.” We know it’s a lie, don’t try to decieve me into thinking i’m “something special to you” and we barely know each other.

Number 2.

You’re probably not gonna get it if you caught my eye, but when I surveyed you from head to toe, this is what I find…

Clean Shaven Face && Head!?!?? CHECK!

Cute Face?? CHECK.

Nice shirt???? CHECK.

Nice, ironed pants/Jeans??? CHECK??.

Nice Shoes!??!??…FAIL..

If your whole get up is on point (even if it’s not) your shoes cannot be leaning or dingy or any of the above! You will gets NOOO play!

&& the number one reason why you just played yourself out of an overnight stay….

You done said something stupid.

…if you have any to add, feel free…

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…let’s talk about SeX baby!!

Posted on September 11, 2009. Filed under: Double Standards, Life, Men, Random, Vixen Tells, Women | Tags: , , , , |

 

I saw this video on JessChika’s Blog @ Blogspot and loved the Video. I really do think that America is really too high strung on many many topics, but I will blog about all of that at a later date. Some of these facts are outrageous and may get you a little upset…but this video is mainly to inform you of what’s going on in the world of SEX!

SEX– the topic everyone loves to read and hear about but they just don’t wanna admit it!

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Track Star* Caster Semenya given Makeover for Mag. What do you think!??

Posted on September 8, 2009. Filed under: Body, Job, Life, Men, Stereotypes, Women | Tags: , , , , |

I haven’t really been following this story that much, but I have heard the rumors. Apparently this person, Semenya, was thought to have been a man posing as a woman in track events. She is a South African runner and has gained a lot of spotlight due to her “manly” looking features.

Now, when this issue first got heated this is the picture that I saw..

semenya

I was for sure convinced that this person was a male. There is a very prominent jaw, a wide face. Going further down, you can tell this person is in shape which is what had me a little confused. A small chest is never indicate of gender but these definitely looked like pecks to me. What convinced me, though, was what followed. This person’s shape is sort of like a V, sort of like a man’s shape. There are absolutely no hips, but wide legs, which I thought wasn’t really a characteristic of a women.

However, it has newly surfaced that this woman was duped into what she thought was a drug test. It turned out they were actually testing her gender. So, in the midst of all this, a You magazine cover comes out. Will it be successful in silencing the “critics” of her womanhood? Only time will tell…

semenyamakeover

What do you guys think about this situation? Is it really that serious?

How does it make you feel about Americans? Toward Africans?

…all comments appreciated!
–the Vixen.

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the Musical Styling of……Mya.

Posted on September 8, 2009. Filed under: Abuse, Life, Love, Men, Random | Tags: , , , , , , |

MyaonMixtape

Sometimes when I have nothing better to do, I sit and listen to Mixtape Music && download what I like. I have always been a Mya fan, even though I haven’t heard anything from her in a while. I don’t exactly know how the Mixtape world works but I just happened to find this one. I really fell in love with the song.

Mya is singing about how she is with this guy that came from an abusive home and how she’s feels for him, but at the same time she’s telling him she’s not going to live that life. She’s telling him how she will “Blackout” if he ever puts his hands on her again..

Love the Song && it’s so appropriate for the times right now. (People are calling this “Rihanna’s Demo”)

—Just click the Pop-Out Player Link && the music will open in a second window. ENJOY!

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Some VIxen Tales…Allen Iverson.

Posted on September 7, 2009. Filed under: Groupie Tales, Life, Men, Random, Vixen Tells, Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , |

ai

I thought this excerpt was pretty funny so I decided to post it. Just so you know, this is a groupie tale, not my story! I’m just the Vixen telling ya’ll about it.

–Groupie && AI–

What’s your story?
I had a one-night stand with Allen Iverson. He was recording his album and I happened to be at the studio. One of my homegirls was into one of his homeboys. There was four bit*hes there and he was like, “I wanna fu*k somebody for the night.”

Why you?
Iverson told me he picked me cause I was the only one “not up under his a*s.”

How was it?
He has the littlest, ashiest di*k I’ve ever seen. It’s like, nonexistent. He looks like he should have a pu*sy. And it’s dry. I would give him four inches at best, and skinny.

So what happened?
We wound up back at his hotel. It wasn’t even worth taking my clothes off for. I ended up leaving before it was over. He didn’t c*m, and neither did I, so that’s why I left.

I don’t know how true this is, it seems pretty short but it’s only a small portion of the interview.

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