Women

The Strong BLACK woman is DEAD!??!???…hmm. Can’t be..

Posted on January 13, 2011. Filed under: Life, Random, Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

So I found this poem which is getting passed around the web, feel free to read the poem, comment, express yourself. That’s what we’re here for!

The Strong Black Woman is Dead…

On August 15, 1999, at 11:55 p.m.,
while struggling with the reality
of being a human instead of a myth,
the strong black woman passed away.

Medical sources say she died of natural causes,
but those who knew her know she died
from being silent when she should have been screaming,
milling when she should have been raging,
from being sick and not wanting anyone to know
because her pain might inconvenience them.

She died from an overdose
of other people clinging to her
when she didn’t even have energy for herself.
She died from loving men who didn’t love themselves
and could only offer her a crippled reflection.
She died from raising children alone
and for not being able to do a complete job.

She died from the lies her grandmother
told her mother and her mother told her
about life, men & racism.
She died from being sexually abused as a child
and having to take that truth
everywhere she went every day of her life,
exchanging the humiliation for guilt and back again.

She died from being battered
by someone who claimed to love her
and she allowed the battering to go on
to show she loved him too.
She died from asphyxiation,
coughing up blood from secrets
she kept trying to burn away
instead of allowing herself
the kind of nervous breakdown she was entitled to,
but only white girls could afford.

She died from being responsible,
because she was the last rung on the ladder
and there was no one under her she could dump on.
The strong black woman is dead.

She died from the multiple births
of children she never really wanted
but was forced to have
by the strangling morality of those around her.
She died from being a mother at 15
and a grandmother at 30 and an ancestor at 45.

She died from being dragged down
and sat upon by UN-evolved women posing as sisters.
She died from pretending
the life she was living
was a Kodak moment instead of a 20th century,
post-slavery nightmare!

She died from tolerating Mr. Pitiful,
just to have a man and the house.
She died from lack of orgasms
because she never learned
what made her body happy
and no one took the time to teach her
and sometimes, when she found arms
that were tender, she died
because they belonged to the same gender.

She died from sacrificing herself
for everybody and everything
when what she really wanted to do
was be a singer, a dancer, or some magnificent other.

She died from lies of omission
because she didn’t want
to bring the black man down.
She died from race memories
of being snatched and raped
and snatched and sold and snatched
and bred and snatched and
whipped and snatched and worked to death.

She died from tributes
from her counterparts
who should have been matching
her efforts instead of
showering her with
dead words and empty songs.
She died from myths
that would not allow her
to show weakness without
being chastised by the lazy and hazy.

She died from hiding her real feelings
until they became hard
and bitter enough to invade
her womb and breasts like angry tumors.
She died from always lifting something
from heavy boxes to refrigerators.
The strong black woman is dead.

She died from the punishments
received from being honest
about life, racism & men.
She died from being called a bitch
for being verbal,
a dyke for being assertive
and a whore for picking her own lovers.
She died from never being enough
of what men wanted,
or being too much for the men she wanted.

She died from being too black
and died again for not being black enough.
She died from castration
every time somebody thought
of her as only a woman,
or treated her like less than a man.

She died from being misinformed
about her mind, her body
and the extent of her royal capabilities.
She died from knees pressed too close together
because respect was never part
of the foreplay that was being shoved at her.

She died from loneliness in birthing rooms
and aloneness in abortion centers.
She died of shock in courtrooms
where she sat, alone,
watching her children being legally lynched.

She died in bathrooms
with her veins busting open
with self-hatred and neglect.
She died in her mind,
fighting life racism, & men,
while her body was carted away
and stashed in a human warehouse
for the spiritually mutilated.
And sometimes when she refused to die,
when she just refused to give in
she was killed by the lethal images
of blonde hair, blue eyes and flat butts,
rejected by the O.J.’s, the Quincy’s, & the Poitiers.

Sometimes, she was stomped to death
by racism and sexism, executed
by hi-tech ignorance
while she carried the family in her belly,
the community on her head,
and the race on her back!

The strong silent, talking black woman is dead!

Or is she still alive and kicking?
I know I am still here.

Laini Mataka

 

 Response by D.S. White:
The Strong Black Woman is Dead! Or is She?No she’s not dead
she’s just experienced a rebirth. Through the memories
of her daughters and granddaughters
who have learned
from her triumphs and failures
and realized
that strength is knowing
when to ask for help
when to cry out
when to be silent;

She’s realized
that what she’s experienced
does not define or confine her
that pride which prohibits healing
is no longer a banner
but a prison;

She’s realized
that she is a word spoken from God
and as such
cannot
will not
return to Him void.
In essence she’s come full circle
in realizing that
servitude was not the problem
just the master she served;

She’s realized
that being proactive
is much more effective than being reactive
so she chooses her battles wisely
knowing when to fight
and when to let it go
her choice of weapons being
an education
proper financial planning
and community involvement
to enrich the next generation;

She’s realized
that it rains on the just and the unjust
so she’s chosen
not to harbor
a sense of injustice;

She’s realized
that comparisons are self-defeating
so she’s chosen
to celebrate her uniqueness
and strive for her personal best;

She’s realized
that loving
not giving up on the black man
is key
so she’s chosen
to start with her brothers
uncles, cousins, nephews
sons and grandsons
for she knows
the viral power of love;

She’s realized
that submission to her mate
does not equate servitude
so she’s chosen
to embrace the peerless system
of checks and balances
as designed by God;

But most of all
she’s chosen…to forgive
live in the present
and love…always love.
Selfless
committed
love
which takes
uncommon strength.

Copyright © 2005 by D.S. White, All Rights Reserved

 

…feel free to pass this along..

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…i’m bacccckkkkk w/ Erica Eggum.

Posted on January 13, 2011. Filed under: Body, Booty, Career, Random, Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I have really been very busy lately and haven’t had time to upload to the site. I have been working diligently trying to get my degree and catching up with things I need to do and figuring out wtF I AM DOING IN LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!!

HOWEVER, I never forgot about you guys and I know we love our little guilty pleasures! So I was surfing around the net today and since I am such a Bad Girls Club fan I came across our little known cast member from the most recent BGC season that has ended…Erica.

Come to find out her last name is Eggum, also come to find out she has NUDE PICTURES…what a SHOCKER!! Haha, anyway if anyone was going to do it I would think it would be her or Catya, but however, to make this even less shocking Erica was constantly getting down, getting some in the Bad Girls House w/ that big fat booty. She looks good.

 

–courtesy of Bourgy. && it seems that she lost hecka weight since being on the show, either way, nice looking girl.

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…an Oldy, but Goody! Well, Kinda…Sorta!!

Posted on July 8, 2010. Filed under: a Tribute to the Living.., Body, Booty, Model Type., Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

So, sorry you guys. I have been gone for sooooo long!! Too Long!

Too years to long. However i’m back, trying to re-invent and give you guys what you need.

I was inspired to do this comeback post as a “tribute” to my old blog, keeping it in mind and to let you guys know I plan on keeping the realness of my blog while trying to make it better without over doing it.

So, here’s an oldy by Kim Kardashian who has come a long way to not really do much of anything at all!!


Don’t you miss those days where everything wasn’t so fake &&OVERLY photo-shopped!?

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A new One!!! Hot Wiizz-ings..

Posted on October 28, 2009. Filed under: Body, Booty, Model Type., Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , |

So from what I understand about this chick she is a model and was contacted by the casting directors to meet Chance, to be on the show.  She claimed, in her exit interview that Chance hasn’t given her the time of day in about three months since the show’s end. She also talked about dating “Dre P,” from Tool Academy, so we’ll see where that goes. I guess we might have to prep for a “Real Chance of Love 3.” I know I wouldn’t be surprised.

Hot Wings Nude.jpg

Hot Wings Nude.jpg

Hot Wings Nude.jpg

Hot Wings Nude.jpg

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WOw….OK. Jessica Falandys now: My Antonio.

Posted on September 23, 2009. Filed under: Body, Model Type., Women | Tags: , , , , , |

I don’t even know who this chick is, but I don’t watch this show too much.

Jessica Falandys Nude.jpg

Jessica Falandys Nude.jpg

Jessica Falandys Nude.jpg

Jessica Falandys Nude.jpg

Jessica Falandys Nude.jpg

To all her fans enjoy. She’s a very beautiful girl.

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How to be a Better Black Woman! Part 1: Why do we SETTLE for less?

Posted on September 20, 2009. Filed under: Double Standards, Life, Love, Men, Random, Relationship, Uncategorized, Vixen Tells, Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

First, I would like to start off by saying that I know there are many black women out there in America that do not and refuse to settle for any random man that comes along. I know there are many woman out there very adamant about finding the well-educated, mature, motivated, job-having and God-fearing man that most of us dream about. However, most of us are not commonly finding that man. Most of us are waiting on “Mr. Right” to come along but often settle for the dude across the street that we claim we’re only talking to because “he’s there.” Most of us fail in the finding men department, but the question is not the failing part, the question is WHY!?!?

Why do we deprive ourselves from living the life we dream about? Why do we stray away from the white picket-fenced American Dream? Do we as black people just not value quality? Do we feel, as black woman, that maybe we don’t deserve that knight in shining armour?

Most woman dream about a huge wedding and the “Happily Ever After” ending, but is it just that?? Is it just a dream, or could it be real if we make it real? Did all the good Black men just leave and didn’t let us know? I don’t know what is happening in the relationship department between black women and men but I’ve managed to compile a starting list of things that I believe contribute to black women settling for the first man that comes along.

First, many black women are hard-wired to believe that “all black men are dogs.”

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Whether we agree with the statement or not, whether we want to believe it or not most black women have heard this statement since childhood. It’s almost become a way of life, or an accepted truth I should say. A black woman learns this about men just as she learns how to use the potty or how to eat with a spoon. No one knows where this point originally came from but it’s something you learn to deal with. People learn to judge, based on their upbringings, whether they realize it or not.

Maybe some of us had a father that left. Maybe our mothers or grandmothers went through Hell with a black man. Maybe it’s the media. Maybe it’s Maury with his paternity tests. Maybe it’s the black men that deny their babies. Personally, I think it’s more of a defense mechanism. When we go into relationships knowing that all black men are dogs we won’t give our all in a relationship. We won’t let that dog pee all over our carpets, we won’t let him walk all over the house like he owns it. We won’t let that man come in and out when he feels like it, because he’s a dog. When a dog feels like they want to leave, they do just that…they run away. However, we love that dog so much && we don’t want him to leave. We try to trap that dog & watch that dog at all times. What we need to realize is that one can’t be mad at the dog, in all fairness for running away, that’s just what dogs do. They don’t know any better. Whatever the reason, it starts from a very young age, so that idea already warps your mind of what a relationship with a black man could and should be.

Secondly, some black women get SOOOO caught up in NOT “having a man” that they are ready and waiting to make that next man (the man that was probably only supposed to be in their life for ONE season) they try to keep him around for a lifetime. Some men are put into your life for a short amount of time. They are put there to teach you a lesson or to show you things in your life that can be possible. Sometimes they are even there to show you the things you don’t want to have to deal with for the rest of your life but some women miss those messages, ENTIRELY. I know everyone has seen “Martin,” so you can tell me, besides “stank breathe,” what was Pam’s biggest flaw?? The fact that she didn’t have a man and COULDN’T get one on top of that. Now, I know that’s TV, of course, but it hits on an important misconception.

A black woman has to have a man to be Happy!

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Next, black women have a weakness for a cute face and some player talk. One of the biggest reasons why black women settle for less than ideal men is because, these men, simply…talk a good game. Once a man has a woman believing she’s “in love with him,” once he has that woman believing she’s the “only one” for him he’s pretty much reeled that woman in for life. There are men out there, however, who say what it takes. Their main goal is to get that woman to feel like she is in love so he can then do things that he wants, while stringing her along. Their goal is to play and deceive these women. Most women are very emotional creatures so they become naive to seeing these types of tricks and games being played. They are blinded by the “love” they think they feel. Many black women are loving on a married or otherwise committed man thinking that man is going to leave his wife, his life, his kids and everything as he knows it, for a side chick…sometimes YES, these men do, but more often than not….it’s just not gonna happen ladies!!!

Lastly, too many of us women, especially the very young or the older generations are much too insecure. We believe that if we let the one we have go, regardless of their wrong doings, we will never find that feeling again. We won’t find anyone better than the one we are with, even though that is mostly an untrue statement that’s how it goes.

Often times we can’t find anyone better because we are giving all of our time and effort to a person that isn’t appreciating it. We’re trying to get that man to see how much we love him && we’re not getting anything in return for it. From that way of thinking, however, we SETTLE, we take what we can get so that we don’t have to be alone. We won’t have to deal with the pain of a break-up and we also won’t have to start over anew.

PS….i’m not an expert i’m just sharing my personal experiences and convictions on the situation. Feel free to agree or disagree and let me know how you feel about black women && their thoughts on black men.

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…let’s talk about SeX baby!!

Posted on September 11, 2009. Filed under: Double Standards, Life, Men, Random, Vixen Tells, Women | Tags: , , , , |

 

I saw this video on JessChika’s Blog @ Blogspot and loved the Video. I really do think that America is really too high strung on many many topics, but I will blog about all of that at a later date. Some of these facts are outrageous and may get you a little upset…but this video is mainly to inform you of what’s going on in the world of SEX!

SEX– the topic everyone loves to read and hear about but they just don’t wanna admit it!

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It’s that Natural Hair Time AGAIN!!! Post #3 9/10/09

Posted on September 10, 2009. Filed under: Hair, Hair Journey, My 2 Cents, Random, Rants, Style, Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

It’s PRODUCT REVIEW TIME!!. This is my first actual review on just one product and I wanted my first review to be on the product that I love the most. Whenever i’m styling my natural hair I HAVE to use this product to get and maintain my style throughout the day.

I have been using this product for about two months now and I am loving it!! It helps so much with the transitioning process, as well as styling. I really don’t know how I ever did without it. That’s when you KNOW you’ve found a good product, when you feel like you’re hair isn’t the same without it. Yea, that’s how I feel about this product. So, as some of you know, I am in the process of a Natural Hair Journey. I have chopped off the back of my hair and left the front longer, for styling purposes. When I was permed however, I was always looking for the one product that would give me that extra little smoothness that this product ….

ecostyler gel

gives you.

**Sidenote* I just want to make it clear this product is great for natural or relaxed hair.

I had searched high and low for the right type of gel, could never find it, so I gave up on gels all together. This was at a time when I was a lot younger. I felt like my new growth had to be tamed. I had to make it look like I had a fresh relaxer. See, that’s just part of the entrapment that a relaxer causes to someone that uses them. Every single gel I used back then either made my hair extra hard or extra flaky. I’m sure many of you (that use gel) have experienced what i’m talking about. You gel your hair down for a style one day and then the next day it is full of little brown crusty thingys. Lol. 

We women know that is not a good look but sometimes it’s hard to find a gel that doesn’t produce those side effects.

Now i’ve found one. Even though this is a great product however, I don’t want to be misleading and not give a person interested in this product all of the facts. This EcoStyler gel can  make your hair a little hard but it does easily wash out. When you’re rinsing it out it feels as if you’re dealing with conditioner and there is practically no build-up with this product. Once you gel something down, trust, IT WILL STAY DOWN AND BE TAMED LIKE NOBODY’S BUSINESS! Lol. You don’t have to constantly re-gel.

**a little tip* if you add something under the gel, such as Shea Butter, Cantu Leave-In or some type of protectant then that alleviates the hardness issue.

Even though i’m ranting and raving about his product I can’t take all the credit for finding it. On my YouTube I have subscribed to many natural ladies who are doing their thang in the self hair-care world. One of my fav’s however is PrettyDimples01. She always used to (and still does) rave about the EcoStyler Gel. I know, by how much  she was talking about it that it had to be a good product. After trying it, I knew she was right and I will probably never use another Gel in life.

**Sidenote: It was a little hard for me to find, but Sally’s should have it. When I bought it the price was around 2 for $5 for a big jar of it (like the picture) so it’s a great value!

So, I hope this post helps out some of my African-American natural and relaxed ladies (Yea, we don’t discriminate around these parts!!)

If you’re looking for a nice gel then try this one and tell me what you think.

If you already are using EcoStyler Gel let everyone know what you think about it, good or bad.

If you use something else enlighten me/us on that as well!

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Tyra Banks, Letting it alllll hang OUT! Or should I say Down!?

Posted on September 8, 2009. Filed under: Hair, Hair Journey, Model Type., Style, Women | Tags: , , , , , , |

Tyra finally reveals her NATURAL hair. I’m so happy for her, all that female empowerment she talks, it’s about time.

…aww. Tyra is so BeautifuL!

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