The Strong BLACK woman is DEAD!??!???…hmm. Can’t be..

Posted on January 13, 2011. Filed under: Life, Random, Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

So I found this poem which is getting passed around the web, feel free to read the poem, comment, express yourself. That’s what we’re here for!

The Strong Black Woman is Dead…

On August 15, 1999, at 11:55 p.m.,
while struggling with the reality
of being a human instead of a myth,
the strong black woman passed away.

Medical sources say she died of natural causes,
but those who knew her know she died
from being silent when she should have been screaming,
milling when she should have been raging,
from being sick and not wanting anyone to know
because her pain might inconvenience them.

She died from an overdose
of other people clinging to her
when she didn’t even have energy for herself.
She died from loving men who didn’t love themselves
and could only offer her a crippled reflection.
She died from raising children alone
and for not being able to do a complete job.

She died from the lies her grandmother
told her mother and her mother told her
about life, men & racism.
She died from being sexually abused as a child
and having to take that truth
everywhere she went every day of her life,
exchanging the humiliation for guilt and back again.

She died from being battered
by someone who claimed to love her
and she allowed the battering to go on
to show she loved him too.
She died from asphyxiation,
coughing up blood from secrets
she kept trying to burn away
instead of allowing herself
the kind of nervous breakdown she was entitled to,
but only white girls could afford.

She died from being responsible,
because she was the last rung on the ladder
and there was no one under her she could dump on.
The strong black woman is dead.

She died from the multiple births
of children she never really wanted
but was forced to have
by the strangling morality of those around her.
She died from being a mother at 15
and a grandmother at 30 and an ancestor at 45.

She died from being dragged down
and sat upon by UN-evolved women posing as sisters.
She died from pretending
the life she was living
was a Kodak moment instead of a 20th century,
post-slavery nightmare!

She died from tolerating Mr. Pitiful,
just to have a man and the house.
She died from lack of orgasms
because she never learned
what made her body happy
and no one took the time to teach her
and sometimes, when she found arms
that were tender, she died
because they belonged to the same gender.

She died from sacrificing herself
for everybody and everything
when what she really wanted to do
was be a singer, a dancer, or some magnificent other.

She died from lies of omission
because she didn’t want
to bring the black man down.
She died from race memories
of being snatched and raped
and snatched and sold and snatched
and bred and snatched and
whipped and snatched and worked to death.

She died from tributes
from her counterparts
who should have been matching
her efforts instead of
showering her with
dead words and empty songs.
She died from myths
that would not allow her
to show weakness without
being chastised by the lazy and hazy.

She died from hiding her real feelings
until they became hard
and bitter enough to invade
her womb and breasts like angry tumors.
She died from always lifting something
from heavy boxes to refrigerators.
The strong black woman is dead.

She died from the punishments
received from being honest
about life, racism & men.
She died from being called a bitch
for being verbal,
a dyke for being assertive
and a whore for picking her own lovers.
She died from never being enough
of what men wanted,
or being too much for the men she wanted.

She died from being too black
and died again for not being black enough.
She died from castration
every time somebody thought
of her as only a woman,
or treated her like less than a man.

She died from being misinformed
about her mind, her body
and the extent of her royal capabilities.
She died from knees pressed too close together
because respect was never part
of the foreplay that was being shoved at her.

She died from loneliness in birthing rooms
and aloneness in abortion centers.
She died of shock in courtrooms
where she sat, alone,
watching her children being legally lynched.

She died in bathrooms
with her veins busting open
with self-hatred and neglect.
She died in her mind,
fighting life racism, & men,
while her body was carted away
and stashed in a human warehouse
for the spiritually mutilated.
And sometimes when she refused to die,
when she just refused to give in
she was killed by the lethal images
of blonde hair, blue eyes and flat butts,
rejected by the O.J.’s, the Quincy’s, & the Poitiers.

Sometimes, she was stomped to death
by racism and sexism, executed
by hi-tech ignorance
while she carried the family in her belly,
the community on her head,
and the race on her back!

The strong silent, talking black woman is dead!

Or is she still alive and kicking?
I know I am still here.

Laini Mataka

 

 Response by D.S. White:
The Strong Black Woman is Dead! Or is She?No she’s not dead
she’s just experienced a rebirth. Through the memories
of her daughters and granddaughters
who have learned
from her triumphs and failures
and realized
that strength is knowing
when to ask for help
when to cry out
when to be silent;

She’s realized
that what she’s experienced
does not define or confine her
that pride which prohibits healing
is no longer a banner
but a prison;

She’s realized
that she is a word spoken from God
and as such
cannot
will not
return to Him void.
In essence she’s come full circle
in realizing that
servitude was not the problem
just the master she served;

She’s realized
that being proactive
is much more effective than being reactive
so she chooses her battles wisely
knowing when to fight
and when to let it go
her choice of weapons being
an education
proper financial planning
and community involvement
to enrich the next generation;

She’s realized
that it rains on the just and the unjust
so she’s chosen
not to harbor
a sense of injustice;

She’s realized
that comparisons are self-defeating
so she’s chosen
to celebrate her uniqueness
and strive for her personal best;

She’s realized
that loving
not giving up on the black man
is key
so she’s chosen
to start with her brothers
uncles, cousins, nephews
sons and grandsons
for she knows
the viral power of love;

She’s realized
that submission to her mate
does not equate servitude
so she’s chosen
to embrace the peerless system
of checks and balances
as designed by God;

But most of all
she’s chosen…to forgive
live in the present
and love…always love.
Selfless
committed
love
which takes
uncommon strength.

Copyright © 2005 by D.S. White, All Rights Reserved

 

…feel free to pass this along..

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Men && Women just don’t respect Relationships anymore!?!? It’s a Cheater’s PARADISE!

Posted on August 28, 2009. Filed under: Cheating, Double Standards, Life, Love, Men, Random, Rants, Relationship, Women | Tags: , , , , , , |

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According to MomLogic.com. Out of 3,300 women polled:

— 52% of women have had sex with a married man
— 81% of women have been approached by a married man
— 60% of married men cheat
— Only 12% of women felt guilty about cheating
— A shocking 5% used a condom regularly

Sometimes, I think us ladies have a hard time believing that the man we are with is cheating on us. I have been in the situation myself and sometimes a woman can know in her heart that their “significant other” is out doing wrong but time and time again we need that SOLID proof. Something that will convince us that he’s doing what we HOPE TO GOD he is not. We need pictures, confirmation from his friends or other females. We take all of these steps while knowing deep down it’s unnecessary. I think women just don’t wanna feel duped. They want to be strong, they want to overlook the fact that “their man” doesn’t love them as much as he says he does. They want that man to know he is caught. We think by us catching him that he will instantly change…WRONG.  A person won’t change until they are ready unless they really really want to save the relationship.

 I believe you can’t have love without trust and honesty. If there is an open relationship  and line of communication from the beginning and each person knows their role from the  then that’s something totally different. However, relationships usually don’t go in that direction.

In today’s America there seems to be a loss of respect for a relationship. Whether you are married or just a girlfriend, our men have loss sight of the fact that when you choose to be in a relationship, you choose to be with that person and only that person.

All too many times us women continually forgive and forget. We are giving these men power over us. We are giving these men ammunition to think that it’s OK to treat us women in that way. Now, I’m not the type to say all men are “dogs,” but the ones that “are” have been made to believe that they can get away with it. If a women lets a men disrespect her why would he ever do anything but that. He’s still getting everything he wants from that women, so why treat you like the Queen you are?? I know many guys that have said they had to barely do anything to get a chick to buy them a car, pay a bill for them, or just flat out give them money. All they have to do is say

“oh yea, you’re my girlfriend!” “Oh yea, girl, OF COURSE I Love you.”

C’mon now. If that men isn’t putting in the time with you, if he isn’t uplifting you instead of taking from you then that’s not the man for you. That man doesn’t “love you,” that man loves what you’re doing for him.

NOT ALL WOMEN BUT SOME are like this. I have also been in this situation once (with a cheater, NOT with giving anybody my money) so i’m not trying to bash anyone. I can’t sit up here and talk about something that I know nothing about…so yea, but that’s my little disclaimer.

Back to the topic at hand, we give these men the power. When he “puts a ring on it” even after he’s cheated on you many times before, why in the WORLD would you think that just because the two of you said “I Do” that he really will. That’s one of the reasons why I don’t think I will ever marry. Everybody tells me that i’m crazy for not wanting to get married and i’m a women, but, to me, marriage is only A PIECE OF PAPER and a big ceremony people.

I REFUSE to get married and then get a divorce. If that’s gonna be the case we should have just kicked it and then broke up when we couldn’t stand each other, but now we have to deal with paperwork && the courts. For better or for worse is what marriage is supposed to be about, I know, but it’s also supposed to be about monogamy, so until I completely know that I have  THAT there will be no Queen marrying anybody…anywhere…anytime soon.

 

So, what you guys think about Marriage in 2009?

Is it the same? What has changed? Do you ever plan on getting married?

Do you think all men are dogs? Why or Why Not? Do you think there are still good men left?

Why is it do you think that we keep forgiving these men for treating us badly?

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Women can be cheaters too!! Top 5 reasons why…

Posted on August 17, 2009. Filed under: Double Standards, Problems, Relationship | Tags: , , , |

I was checking my email just a few minutes ago and came across this article on Yahoo entitled, “Why do Women Cheat?” Usually I don’t even pay attention to these types of articles because i’m a woman that really doesn’t do that, but this one came up with the top five reasons why. I wanted to see if I agreed with them or not…
Guess what!?!?

I DO!

I haven’t cheated on a boyfriend but IF I did, one or all of these following reasons would be why..

1. Feeling Lonely in a Relationship
–this one is definitely true, some would say the most common. There are many times when a woman feels like she is the only one in the relationship that’s committed. She’s the only one trying to make it work it. When times like that arise it makes a woman wonder why are they even in a relationship to begin with. Also, in a relationship both parties should be feel like they could talk to their partner about anything, but sometimes men just don’t understand or don’t even want to hear what you have to say. Sometimes a relationship just might not be as “emotionally fulfilling” as a woman would like.

2. Feeling taken for Granted.
— WOw….I think I could post days and days on this topic. I also think that this reason is for both men and woman. Woman are automatically supposed to be the more nurturing species && they take care of their man but when a man never thanks a woman or just acts like all that she is doing is what she is supposed to do then that’s when it becomes an unappreciation, I think (if that’s a word. lol). I know plenty of women that would do any and everything that her man asks, but many times when it comes down to a favor or even something that the woman needs, the man is quick to have something more important to do.

3. You are Leading Seperate Lives.
— Now I also think this pertains to both sexes. Leading seperate lives is basically just asking for one person in the relationship to cheat. A seperate life really means that both people in the relationship say they are together and may sleep in the same bed but during the day they are living as single people. Whether it be if they are constantly working and not wanting to come home from work, or whether they are going to see another person they have interest in. It’s healthy to have your own life, true, but sometimes you have to make time for what’s most important. If you’re not doing that then it means you don’t want to make time for the relationship. You have to make time for a healthy relationship, if you want it to work. When you’re not doing that and really living “seperate lives” that’s when it becomes a problem.

4. Revenge can be Bittersweet
— #4 is a little bit more about your character. There are some woman out here that no matter what their guy does they would never cheat on him, they would rather leave. On the other hand, there is only a certain amount that a person can take. Getting revenge can always be sweet but not always the right thing to do. However, in an upset state of mind all of those morals and values sometimes fly out of the window.

5. The Ego Needs Stroking
— Yes, woman have egos too. Sometimes a woman is just not getting what she needs at home. Maybe she wants someone to tell her she’s beautiful and make her feel wanted. If a woman really needs that and is not getting it then the chances of her cheating are much greater. Just as a man may need an ego boost in the same way woman surprisingly need it too.

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