The Strong BLACK woman is DEAD!??!???…hmm. Can’t be..

Posted on January 13, 2011. Filed under: Life, Random, Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

So I found this poem which is getting passed around the web, feel free to read the poem, comment, express yourself. That’s what we’re here for!

The Strong Black Woman is Dead…

On August 15, 1999, at 11:55 p.m.,
while struggling with the reality
of being a human instead of a myth,
the strong black woman passed away.

Medical sources say she died of natural causes,
but those who knew her know she died
from being silent when she should have been screaming,
milling when she should have been raging,
from being sick and not wanting anyone to know
because her pain might inconvenience them.

She died from an overdose
of other people clinging to her
when she didn’t even have energy for herself.
She died from loving men who didn’t love themselves
and could only offer her a crippled reflection.
She died from raising children alone
and for not being able to do a complete job.

She died from the lies her grandmother
told her mother and her mother told her
about life, men & racism.
She died from being sexually abused as a child
and having to take that truth
everywhere she went every day of her life,
exchanging the humiliation for guilt and back again.

She died from being battered
by someone who claimed to love her
and she allowed the battering to go on
to show she loved him too.
She died from asphyxiation,
coughing up blood from secrets
she kept trying to burn away
instead of allowing herself
the kind of nervous breakdown she was entitled to,
but only white girls could afford.

She died from being responsible,
because she was the last rung on the ladder
and there was no one under her she could dump on.
The strong black woman is dead.

She died from the multiple births
of children she never really wanted
but was forced to have
by the strangling morality of those around her.
She died from being a mother at 15
and a grandmother at 30 and an ancestor at 45.

She died from being dragged down
and sat upon by UN-evolved women posing as sisters.
She died from pretending
the life she was living
was a Kodak moment instead of a 20th century,
post-slavery nightmare!

She died from tolerating Mr. Pitiful,
just to have a man and the house.
She died from lack of orgasms
because she never learned
what made her body happy
and no one took the time to teach her
and sometimes, when she found arms
that were tender, she died
because they belonged to the same gender.

She died from sacrificing herself
for everybody and everything
when what she really wanted to do
was be a singer, a dancer, or some magnificent other.

She died from lies of omission
because she didn’t want
to bring the black man down.
She died from race memories
of being snatched and raped
and snatched and sold and snatched
and bred and snatched and
whipped and snatched and worked to death.

She died from tributes
from her counterparts
who should have been matching
her efforts instead of
showering her with
dead words and empty songs.
She died from myths
that would not allow her
to show weakness without
being chastised by the lazy and hazy.

She died from hiding her real feelings
until they became hard
and bitter enough to invade
her womb and breasts like angry tumors.
She died from always lifting something
from heavy boxes to refrigerators.
The strong black woman is dead.

She died from the punishments
received from being honest
about life, racism & men.
She died from being called a bitch
for being verbal,
a dyke for being assertive
and a whore for picking her own lovers.
She died from never being enough
of what men wanted,
or being too much for the men she wanted.

She died from being too black
and died again for not being black enough.
She died from castration
every time somebody thought
of her as only a woman,
or treated her like less than a man.

She died from being misinformed
about her mind, her body
and the extent of her royal capabilities.
She died from knees pressed too close together
because respect was never part
of the foreplay that was being shoved at her.

She died from loneliness in birthing rooms
and aloneness in abortion centers.
She died of shock in courtrooms
where she sat, alone,
watching her children being legally lynched.

She died in bathrooms
with her veins busting open
with self-hatred and neglect.
She died in her mind,
fighting life racism, & men,
while her body was carted away
and stashed in a human warehouse
for the spiritually mutilated.
And sometimes when she refused to die,
when she just refused to give in
she was killed by the lethal images
of blonde hair, blue eyes and flat butts,
rejected by the O.J.’s, the Quincy’s, & the Poitiers.

Sometimes, she was stomped to death
by racism and sexism, executed
by hi-tech ignorance
while she carried the family in her belly,
the community on her head,
and the race on her back!

The strong silent, talking black woman is dead!

Or is she still alive and kicking?
I know I am still here.

Laini Mataka


 Response by D.S. White:
The Strong Black Woman is Dead! Or is She?No she’s not dead
she’s just experienced a rebirth. Through the memories
of her daughters and granddaughters
who have learned
from her triumphs and failures
and realized
that strength is knowing
when to ask for help
when to cry out
when to be silent;

She’s realized
that what she’s experienced
does not define or confine her
that pride which prohibits healing
is no longer a banner
but a prison;

She’s realized
that she is a word spoken from God
and as such
will not
return to Him void.
In essence she’s come full circle
in realizing that
servitude was not the problem
just the master she served;

She’s realized
that being proactive
is much more effective than being reactive
so she chooses her battles wisely
knowing when to fight
and when to let it go
her choice of weapons being
an education
proper financial planning
and community involvement
to enrich the next generation;

She’s realized
that it rains on the just and the unjust
so she’s chosen
not to harbor
a sense of injustice;

She’s realized
that comparisons are self-defeating
so she’s chosen
to celebrate her uniqueness
and strive for her personal best;

She’s realized
that loving
not giving up on the black man
is key
so she’s chosen
to start with her brothers
uncles, cousins, nephews
sons and grandsons
for she knows
the viral power of love;

She’s realized
that submission to her mate
does not equate servitude
so she’s chosen
to embrace the peerless system
of checks and balances
as designed by God;

But most of all
she’s chosen…to forgive
live in the present
and love…always love.
which takes
uncommon strength.

Copyright © 2005 by D.S. White, All Rights Reserved


…feel free to pass this along..

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It’s that Natural Hair Time AGAIN!!! Post #3 9/10/09

Posted on September 10, 2009. Filed under: Hair, Hair Journey, My 2 Cents, Random, Rants, Style, Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

It’s PRODUCT REVIEW TIME!!. This is my first actual review on just one product and I wanted my first review to be on the product that I love the most. Whenever i’m styling my natural hair I HAVE to use this product to get and maintain my style throughout the day.

I have been using this product for about two months now and I am loving it!! It helps so much with the transitioning process, as well as styling. I really don’t know how I ever did without it. That’s when you KNOW you’ve found a good product, when you feel like you’re hair isn’t the same without it. Yea, that’s how I feel about this product. So, as some of you know, I am in the process of a Natural Hair Journey. I have chopped off the back of my hair and left the front longer, for styling purposes. When I was permed however, I was always looking for the one product that would give me that extra little smoothness that this product ….

ecostyler gel

gives you.

**Sidenote* I just want to make it clear this product is great for natural or relaxed hair.

I had searched high and low for the right type of gel, could never find it, so I gave up on gels all together. This was at a time when I was a lot younger. I felt like my new growth had to be tamed. I had to make it look like I had a fresh relaxer. See, that’s just part of the entrapment that a relaxer causes to someone that uses them. Every single gel I used back then either made my hair extra hard or extra flaky. I’m sure many of you (that use gel) have experienced what i’m talking about. You gel your hair down for a style one day and then the next day it is full of little brown crusty thingys. Lol. 

We women know that is not a good look but sometimes it’s hard to find a gel that doesn’t produce those side effects.

Now i’ve found one. Even though this is a great product however, I don’t want to be misleading and not give a person interested in this product all of the facts. This EcoStyler gel can  make your hair a little hard but it does easily wash out. When you’re rinsing it out it feels as if you’re dealing with conditioner and there is practically no build-up with this product. Once you gel something down, trust, IT WILL STAY DOWN AND BE TAMED LIKE NOBODY’S BUSINESS! Lol. You don’t have to constantly re-gel.

**a little tip* if you add something under the gel, such as Shea Butter, Cantu Leave-In or some type of protectant then that alleviates the hardness issue.

Even though i’m ranting and raving about his product I can’t take all the credit for finding it. On my YouTube I have subscribed to many natural ladies who are doing their thang in the self hair-care world. One of my fav’s however is PrettyDimples01. She always used to (and still does) rave about the EcoStyler Gel. I know, by how much  she was talking about it that it had to be a good product. After trying it, I knew she was right and I will probably never use another Gel in life.

**Sidenote: It was a little hard for me to find, but Sally’s should have it. When I bought it the price was around 2 for $5 for a big jar of it (like the picture) so it’s a great value!

So, I hope this post helps out some of my African-American natural and relaxed ladies (Yea, we don’t discriminate around these parts!!)

If you’re looking for a nice gel then try this one and tell me what you think.

If you already are using EcoStyler Gel let everyone know what you think about it, good or bad.

If you use something else enlighten me/us on that as well!

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Tyra Banks, Letting it alllll hang OUT! Or should I say Down!?

Posted on September 8, 2009. Filed under: Hair, Hair Journey, Model Type., Style, Women | Tags: , , , , , , |

Tyra finally reveals her NATURAL hair. I’m so happy for her, all that female empowerment she talks, it’s about time.

…aww. Tyra is so BeautifuL!

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A Few Natural Hair tips for my Ladies!!! Natural Hair Post #3 9/1/09

Posted on September 2, 2009. Filed under: Hair, Hair Journey, Life, Style, Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

1. —> The “Golden Rule.”

— Keep your Hair Moisturized Ladies!! I cannot stress this enough. This will make your hair much stronger and will help you to retain length. When I started my journey I found a great moisturizer that I LOVEEEE!! I can now tell you that my hair thanks me everyday! (The moisturizer that I use is mentioned in both of my previous Natural Hair Posts.)

African-American hair needs moisture, as well as a good conditioner to stay healthy.

2. —> Find the RIGHT CONDITIONER for YOUR hair.

— Instant and Leave-In Conditioners are great for African-American hair. They coat, give the hair body and they shine, rapidly. The right conditioner can do wonders for your hair. Conditioners serve the purpose of reconstructioning and preventing any further damage to the hair. However, these conditioners often contain “cones” or silicones, which make the hair look shiny but also seals the cuticles off. When the cuticles are sealed off, anything else you try to add to the hair (such as a moisturizer) WILL NOT be able to penetrate the hair strand until the hair is washed. So, try to use a Conditioner, Hair Lotion or a Leave-In that doesn’t contain any silicones. These will help to protect the hair during the day. Also, try to choose an all natural lotion with EFA’s and Natural Oils.


— Ladies, one of the most important parts of maintaining length while “transitioning” or while natural is to find a deep penetrating conditioner, that works for your hair. This is a conditioner that absorbs into the hair shaft to improve overall health and appearance. These are usually made from Keratin and Amino Acids. Some good oils that could be added to your conditioner are


These are all penetrating moisture-rich oils which contain protein and vitamins that help to reduce breakage and splitting.

**Make sure to thoroughly rinse out any conditioner in your hair! (unless, of course, it’s a Leave-In)

4. —> Don’t Forget to Shampoo!

Now, I haven’t been natural that long and still not completely natural so i’ve heard all the buzz about cowashing. I’ve used this method and it works great, but you can’t forget to shampoo your hair. The most important thing to remember is that you just don’t want to over shampoo your hair. Even if you shampoo twice a month, it will help your hair, but don’t think that you NEED shampoo to have healthy hair. As an African-American we must protect against dry hair and also an unhealthy, clogged and dirty scalp. I wash once every week, but, like I said, once every two weeks is fine. It’s best to try to use a moisturizing shampoo or a natural shampoo with all natural products and oils. Also, it’s becoming more and more popular to make your own shampoo.

5. —> When styling from Home, Section EvenlY!

I remember in my relaxing days how frustrated I would get with my new growth. I used to HATE working with it. I used to just wish I could rip it apart. When taking out my braids…mannnn. I just felt like cutting my hair off, so many times. I was impatient with my hair but along my journey i’ve learned to be more patient with my hair. I’ve learned that it takes time to learn the ins and outs of AA hair and you just have to think about the health of it in the end. I recommend finding a good, natural hair oil and apply directly to the scalp and distribute down to the ends, concentrating there. Follow with a Leave-In or Hair Lotion and/or Moisturizer and repeat daily. Most importantly TAKE YOUR TIME. I know how frustrating it can be, but eventually you will learn.

My 6th and Last Step—> Pay CLOSE Attention to your ENDS!!

This is the MOST IMPORTANT PART OF YOUR HAIR, because it’s the “deadest” you have to take extra special care of your ends if your goal is to maintain length. African-American hair needs lots of care, lots of moisture as the ends. When conditioning or even applying protein treatments/hair lotion, etc., target your ends!

**IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS OR NEED MORE CLARIFICATION PLEASE RESPOND TO THIS POST! If you have any questions on the products that I use just refer back to my previous “Natural Hair Posts.”**

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Sorry, but I HAD to do this. This is unacceptable!

Posted on August 25, 2009. Filed under: Hair, Problems, Random | Tags: , , , |

Man, if you ever decide to let your dreads get THIS raggedy you should definitely look into a different type of hairstyle. This is a waste of hair. Sorry to judge, but this is a definite



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Natural Hair Post #2: 8/21/09

Posted on August 22, 2009. Filed under: Hair, Hair Journey, Style, Women | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

so.. this is my second post about my Natural Hair Journey. I was recently rocking some cornrows (that I did myself by the way) and just took that transition style down. I just wanted to do a quick update on what i’m doing to my hair since I took my braids down && how I keep it moisturized. It seems that my hair has grown at least a half-inch, as well, but those braids also take a toll. I’m glad that I don’t have to constantly comb my hair everyday, but I easily get frustrated when unraveling. I had many many knots and tangles and I was literally ripping at my hair && now I regret it. I know I should NOT have done my hair like that but next time i’ll try to do better. I’m still new to this “demarcation line” so hair, please bare with me!

Before I braided my hair up && after my big chop (in the back) I wasn’t really comfortable wearing my hair out but now that it has grown some I love it…I think it’s pretty nice. It’s also helping me to embrace && love my natural hair as it is. I will probably add pics later. I just don’t really have the time tonight.

My Moisturizer
–My Moisturizer.

While in transition mode, I have been rocking the two-strand twist style, as well as the braids (switching of). I am loving this transition style. It’s easy to do && it helps to keep your hair moisturized. What I usually do is just twist my hair at night (while wet), applying my shea butter mixture && moisturizer to each of the strands to twist. This way my entire head gets equal treatment when it comes to the care of it. I may sometimes also spray my hair with this little concoction of mine: mostly just different types of oils && water just to keep my hair extra soft.

–This is a link to a tutorial of RusticBeauty’s two strand twist, just for those of you that are curious as to what i’m talking about in this post..

In the morning I just undo the twists && style as I choose. Most of the time you have to pick out the roots because it’s easy for the hair to keep the parts you make in order to twist.

So I just wake up, untwist, pick apart the strands && then pick out the roots for more fullness..

I’m sure this is a common and well-known transitioning && natural style. Wish me luck on my journey!!
Tips && Suggestions are much appreciated!!!!!!!

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Natural Hair Journey: Post 1. 8/7/09.

Posted on August 7, 2009. Filed under: Hair, Hair Journey, Style | Tags: , , , , , |

Another reason why I started my Diary blog is because I wanted to be able to document change throughout MY journey of becoming 100% natural, hair wise. Nah, all wise really. I have always wanted and longed for my natural hair. I got relaxed when I was about 6 years old by my mother. She didn’t wanna deal with my hair and I had a sister so I guess a relaxer was the easy way out. I remember that day though.

I was telling her that I didn’t want a relaxer, I knew my hair would get damaged. I just didn’t see how a relaxer was the right way to go. It made my head burn, my mom never felt like retouching my relaxer when I needed it. I wasn’t taking care of my hair properly. I didn’t know how too. Even though there is this big debate in America about Natural vs. Relaxed hair I was on the relaxed side, but now I want a change. I want my hair to grow. I wanna be proud of my hair. I want thicker hair!

I WANT MY NATURAL HAIR. POINT. BLANK. PERIOD. It’s time for us to get acquainted. We’ve never really known each other.

Other than relaxing I was never into the weave. I have never had a sew-in. Never worn a wig. Never had any type of extensions unless it was braids. I just felt like I was being fake if I did all of that. However, I don’t see anything wrong with someone else doing those things. Whatever you can do to feel better about yourself I say do it. I may start looking into some of these styles as they can be an easy way to protect hair while trying to maintain length, now as I’m getting more educated on how to take care of my transitioning hair.

So, about my journey, I never really decided to just transition to natural hair. It just kind of happened, on a fluke… by accident. About a year && 2mths. ago I moved from North Carolina to California and at the time I had braids.. So I would say about 2 months after I got out to Cali I took out my braids and I did relax my own hair again and I don’t even know WHY I did, but I wore my relaxed strands for a while after that. After that I really just ended up getting my hair braided again and decided that I wouldn’t get any more.

A lot of people’s Fotki’s and YouTube accounts that I have come across include dates of their last relaxers and how many inches their hair has grown since. I don’t have all of that. My decision wasn’t really that much of a conscious one. So, since then I’ve really just been braided. I was wearing a half-wig for a while, with my hair braided underneath but now I have some cornrows…

So, that’s what I did. I haven’t relaxed in almost a year now, so recently I started trying to educate myself on how to take care of my new natural hair. I got on YouTube, searched out a few natural hair ladies with really great tips and started to follow them and came up with some sort of a regimen, but as you transitioning ladies know, that always changes. I think I may have turned into a small Product Junkie!! In fact, I’m pretty sure that I have.

My staple products include..

the Shea Butter & Green Tea Moisturizer from Softsheen.
Moisturizer SoftSheen

100% Natural Shea Butter.
Raw Shea Butter

Herbal Essences Totally Twisted Curls & Waves Conditioner –I would also love to try their None of Your Frizziness Conditioner but I have not been able to locate it in any store…so I will stay with what I have been using for now..
HerbalECurls & Waves

Before I was using Suave’s — Conditioner. That worked pretty well but I think it may have been drying my hair out, I don’t know. I liked i, but when I conditioned with my Herbal Essences my hair turned out really good!! So, I’ll stick with that until I find something better…

Herbal Essences Hello Hydration Shampoo –Heard good things about this shampoo on YouTube && I agree with all that I read.
HerbalE Hello Hydration Shampoo

Deeeeep 3 Minute Miracle Moisture Treatment —I only use this every once in a while. I don’t know if it helps, but I like to think that is does.
AusseMoisture Treatment

Aphogee Protein Treatment, Balancing Moisturizer && 2 Minute Reconstructor —LOVESSS these!
Aphogee Set.

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